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Good morning class. Today we would
like you to meet the Jewish family.

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The head of the

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Jewish family is known as Der Tati.
Actually you and I know that it's Demame who

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is the real head of the family, but she
is smart enough to consult with Papa. If

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he agrees with her, he's a hocha ma'id.
Class repeat.

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If he dares to disagree, he's a me'shugneh.

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From children of Eitik you get tzores.
From grandchildren of

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gizuntinze you get naché.

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Children can be divided into several major
types. First there is the shmar'katso

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fashtup'nost type.

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His theme song is Baba d'ebme'a padi.
To which mama replies with a'riyachin

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dain tatn. Then there is the pishet. He is the

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perpetually wet type who always looks as
though he has just been rescued from the

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river. When a son is born into a
Jewish family you say mazel tov. When

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Papa gets a daughter he says dos hotmir gefel.

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The girl is immediately named Mein imglich.
The poor thing has no future but to

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grow into a calamoid or juvenile delinquent.
She will eventually bring into the

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house anedim or son-in-law,
also known as an omziste prestet.

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When a child is good, is taki good?
If a child is bad, there are several ways of

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reasoning with him. You can give him a zet.

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A klop, a hak, or a bukte? If you are
getting no results you can try some of the

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minor degrees of assault and battery.
A schmitz, a brik, a risa, a poke, a

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schlep, a ride, a schleider, a stok, un abro.

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In case you are not acquainted with these
techniques, let us help you. The hak

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comes straight down on the skull,
just enough to tenderize it. The zet aims for

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the heart and the klop is administered
while the unsuspecting infant is facing

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the other way. The experienced father
knows how to combine different

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types for the best results.

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Zets, bum, hak, klop? Or in reverse, klop,
hak, bum, zet? Depending on whether he

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is left-handed or right-handed.
To save time you can line up several kids and

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bang their heads together, known as the
grand slam or makhna kache. Of course you

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don't want the kids to get hurt, you just
gotta keep a kid's respect, that's all.

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Thanks for watching!